Short stories, poetry, haiku, expository and technical non-fiction. Report Cards and observations on writing. This began as my repository of exercises from the "What If?" self-help writers group at AOL. It has become more and less, since leaving AOL.

Wednesday, May 14

Power Outage


Power Outage

Sucking greedily for air not there,
silence descending like a blanket of snow.
No boom nor blast hearlds the lack,
just panic attack as mortality seeps.

Gone the hum of AC vibration over my head.
No whine of CPAP in my ear,
the hiss of exhalations silenced.
Wife, too, silently regards me above her breathing mask,
Now sucking greedily for air, mask discarded in disgust.

Two words her condemnation, disgust contorting normally placid features ...
"Fix it!" -- While the black monster of aphyxia ascends.
I will live another day.

First, the hop, jump, trip and fall
brief interlude to my shorts hiked above knees.
Check the cable at the wall.
Plug mates deeply with socket; no leakage there.

A trip into the house next reveals
they, too, are powerless.
Not surprising, only felines exude power,
the freezer stubbornly silent, ice maker motionless.

Back to my trailer, hovel, home,
I stare at the neighbors' home
for signs of electrical activity ... no air,
no cheerless housewife a slave to her range.

Firing up battery-powered gizmos,
soon the Internets beckon from DC heaven
summoning information,
Demco-style.

Alas, a map, clear delineation of our plight,
robbed of the exchange of electrons to drive
entertainment ridden visions of the rumors
that pass for "News" these days.

It is, indeed, a failure of power,
even her "sweet baaboo" cannot fix.
Despondancy. Depression. Hunger. Anger.
All on hold until the electrical genie returns.



That's how my morning started. I hope yours was better.

Sunday, December 19

Season's Greetings, 2010

Snow sparkles in front of me
as dog snuffles his way to nasal nirvana
in the chill evening. Grass tufts, here a rabbit,
there be wolves, ready to pounce.

Moon rising above the neighbor's trees
throw long shadows clear across the road to me.
A full moon, its icy reflection a frigid echo
of the ice in my heart.

Lonely is just a state of mind, alone a way of life.
Live life to its fullest, for tomorrow
may be no more in your experience.
And so it goes.




(Written quickly in the Airstream trailer, parked at the Farm in Maine. SWMBO was in Louisiana tending a very sick son. I was alone, listening to 7 hours of Leonard Cohen. I'd just walked the dog and peed on the snow. A nearly-full moon rising behind me, the steam rising from my pee casting wispy shadows across the snow. And so it goes...)

Tuesday, October 14

On Birthdays...

Time Marches On
or
It Sure Beats the Alternative

It’s hell, they say, when you get old.
Your toenails all are caked with mold,
Or maybe other kinds of fungus.
It’s hard to breathe with ancient lungus.
All bloodshot are your rheumy eyes,
All weak and stringy are your thighs.
Your pancreas is stiff and sore,
And buttocks droop towards the floor.
With exercise, your muscles ache,
It feels like all your bones will break.
You day by day get soft and flabby,
Your disposition loutish, crabby.
Digestion, once a simple task,
Becomes a chore (and please, don’t ask.)
Shoulder joints all get bursitis.
Your bladder wakes you up at nightis.
Your backbone gives you many pains.
Increasingly sieve-like grow your brains,
Until you cannot keep in mind
that “this is your elbow, that’s your behind”:
Getting old, it is not kind.

But whene’er these thoughts go thro’ my head,
I think: “It sure beats being dead.”

Monday, April 23

A Plethora of Words for Free


Today, April 23, is the very first International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Day and it is being celebrated the world over with an outpouring of free words by (primarily) science fiction authors in reaction to a viciously stupid rant by current Science Fiction Writers of America Vice-President Professor Howard V. Hendrix.

It's a tempest in a teacup and I applaud this constructive method of poking fun at Herr Doktor Hendrix. Check out the link to John Scalzi's blog entry -- there's a pleasant surprise awaiting you.

Tuesday, April 10

Food For Thought

Via A Word A Day comes this quote:

The greatest tragedy in mankind's entire history may be the hijacking of
morality by religion. -- Sir Arthur C Clarke, science fiction writer (1917- )

Monday, March 12

MEME: ScienceFiction Book Club List

Here, via Pharyngula, then Paul Little, is a list of the "Most Significant SF & Fantasy Books of the Last 50 Years" first issued by the Science Fiction Book Club. Put the ones you've read in bold. My list is below. I've adopted Paul's convention of bolding those I have read, italicizing the ones I ought to read and striking through the ones I'm not likely to ever read. Leave a comment how this shapes up with your reading experience.

The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien
The Foundation Trilogy, Isaac Asimov
Dune, Frank Herbert
Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein
A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. Le Guin
Neuromancer, William Gibson
Childhood's End, Arthur C. Clarke
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Philip K. Dick
The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley
Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
The Book of the New Sun, Gene Wolfe
A Canticle for Leibowitz, Walter M. Miller, Jr.
The Caves of Steel, Isaac Asimov
Children of the Atom, Wilmar Shiras
Cities in Flight, James Blish
The Colour of Magic, Terry Pratchett
Dangerous Visions, edited by Harlan Ellison
Deathbird Stories, Harlan Ellison
The Demolished Man, Alfred Bester
Dhalgren, Samuel R. Delany
Dragonflight, Anne McCaffrey
Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
The First Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, Stephen R. Donaldson
The Forever War, Joe Haldeman
Gateway, Frederik Pohl
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, J.K. Rowling [But I am currently reading the Order of the Phoenix and the Half-Blood Prince awaits the completion of Phoenix]
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
I Am Legend, Richard Matheson
Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice
The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula K. Le Guin
Little, Big, John Crowley
Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny
The Man in the High Castle, Philip K. Dick
Mission of Gravity, Hal Clement
More Than Human, Theodore Sturgeon
The Rediscovery of Man, Cordwainer Smith
On the Beach, Nevil Shute
Rendezvous with Rama, Arthur C. Clarke
Ringworld, Larry Niven
Rogue Moon, Algis Budrys
The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien
Slaughterhouse-5, Kurt Vonnegut
Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson
Stand on Zanzibar, John Brunner
The Stars My Destination, Alfred Bester
Starship Troopers, Robert A. Heinlein
Stormbringer, Michael Moorcock (But I have read John Barnes' Mother Of All Storms)
The Sword of Shannara, Terry Brooks [a series I just couldn't get into, no matter how hard my then g/f tried to involve me]
Timescape, Gregory Benford
To Your Scattered Bodies Go, Philip Jose Farmer

I've read 38 out of 50, a testament to my reading habits. Several of the books up there shouldn't be there, in my not so humble opinion, while other, important volumes are missing. Isn't that the way? And only fifty! Surely, if the members of the Book Club put their collective minds in gear, they could come up with an even one hundred, don't you think? After all, where's Spider and Jeanne Robinson? Piers Anthony? Margret Atwood? John Varley? Kate Wilhelm?

Thursday, February 22

Super Mom Saves The World

An author I am very fond of (no, not THAT way), Melanie Lynn Hauser, has just announced the immanent publication of her second book. Read for yourself:

The sequel to Confessions of Super Mom ships in just a few days! Super Mom Saves The World picks up the story of Birdie Lee, divorced mother, PTA lackey, and accidental superhero. It's six months after the Horrible Swiffer Accident that turned her into Super Mom, and she's still adjusting. For starters, she's having lustful thoughts about Mr. Clean. Then there's the fact that her teenaged daughter is suddenly sporting a bright pink streak in her hair. Her nerdy scientist love interest has just proposed marriage, at the exact same time her ex-husband starts making overtures. And to top it all off, the town of Astro Park has gotten Little League fever in a big - you might even say explosive - way...but as soon as Super Mom comes to the rescue, it's apparent someone wants her out of the game. For good.

"Hauser's sequel to Confessions of Super Mom (2005) is an amusing and sharp critique of the thankless job mothers perform as they juggle home and work. Every mom will want to be Super Mom." - Booklist

Read first chapter of both novels.

Friday, February 9

The Real Deal

Go here. Read what a real Master Poet can do with words. Rejoice.

Totalitarian Democracy
Lawrence Ferlinghetti

"The first fine dawn of life on earth
The first light of the first morning
The first evening star
The first man on the moon seen from afar
The first voyage of Ulysses westward
The first fence on the last frontier
The first tick of the atomic clock of fear
The first Home Sweet Home so dear
The sweet smell of honeysuckle at midnight
The first free black man free of fright
The sweet taste of freedom
The first good orgasm
..."


This Excerpt

Copyright © 2004 City Lights Books

Sunday, January 7

The Last Ten Books

I saw this over at Patrick's A Stop At Willoughby and I liked it enough to copy it. Basically, here's the last ten books I remember purchasing and why I bought them.

  1. The Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling – I actually bought this after buying Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, starting it, then realizing I'd skipped (missed) one of the books. Stupid me. Lucky for Scholastic Book Services (the publisher). Why? To speak with two of my grandmonsters who are absolutely absorbed in all things Harry Potter, that's why.

  2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling – because the media hype was so thick in the USA and the prices so low at introduction, I couldn't pass it up. Plus the need to be conversant with the subject matter if I am to have any hope of holding scintillating conversations with aforesaid grandmonsters.

  3. Micah by Laurell K. Hamilton – because I was hoping that Ms. Hamilton hadn't completely sold out and was still capable of telling a story without falling back on fornication every three pages. Alas and alack. And a lack, too.

  4. Great American Rail Journeys by John Grant – I'm a nut about trains, I loved the PBS series which this is a companion volume to, I love scenic photography, and the discounted remaindered price of $4.00 wasn't bad, either...

  5. Mastering The Art Of Drawing by Ian Sidaway & Sarah Hoggett – Because I try, every now and again, to awaken any semblance of the artist's genes coursing through my blood. Unsuccessfully, I might add. But, some fool once said, “Hope springs eternal.” Who am I to argue?

  6. Beautiful Losers by Leonard Cohen – I used to own a first edition of this, but someone decided they needed it more than me. So this was a replacement and a rereading. I enjoyed it even more this time around.

  7. Book of Longing by Leonard Cohen – He's one of my favorite singer-song writers and I have been purchasing and reading his poetry for forty years. This, his latest.

  8. Old Man's War by John M. Scalzi – the premise of this novel intrigued me: old folks, after a long and varied life, sign up to fight for the continuation of society off in theater of war far from the home planet. New Body, new skills, no way home.

  9. The Ghost Brigades by John M. Scalzi – I liked OMW enough to spring for this one, too. I want the final book in this series, too! Yes I do...

  10. Dead As A Doornail by Charlaine Harris – I love the Sookie Stackhouse, Southern Vampire series by Ms. Harris. That said, this was just one more nail in my coffin...

There you have ten of the books I bought in 2006. There's about twenty more that didn't make the list, but who's counting?

Wednesday, January 3

A Great Word: Tohubohu

tohubohu (TOH-hoo-BO-hoo) noun

Chaos; confusion.

[From Hebrew tohu wa-bhohu, from tohu (formlessness) and bhohu (emptiness).]

-Anu Garg (garg wordsmith.org)

Now isn't that slicker than greased owl shit?

Monday, January 1

Happy New Year!

I'm not one for resolutions, but I have decided to make an effort at posting more writing and writing related entries here in 2007. Wish me luck!

Definitely Limericks...

Stumbled upon a great new find,
"the Omnificent English Dictionary in English Form, a magnificent, ambitious, and slightly insane attempt to write a limerick for every word in the English language, one letter group at a time."


Here's a sample:

A cow nibbles nettles herbivorously.
A bear gobbles cattle carnivorously.
A babe in a cot’ll
Drink milk from a bottle.
A man eats the lottle—omnivorously.

Tuesday, December 26

Christmas Book Meme

Find the nearest book you got for Christmas.
Turn to page 123.
Go to the fifth sentence on the page.
Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
Name the book and the author, and tag three more folks.

Leaving the canyons, the train heads toward the coastal plain, passing through some of the most fertile agricultural areas in the nation. At Oxnard, the hub of this rich agricultural district, the train dashes north through the scenic valley. Crossing the Santa Clara River on a long trestle, you arrive at Ventura, named for the eighteenth century mission, Santa Buenaventura Mission, which stands just to the right of the tracks.
Actually page 122 -- there's a full page photo on 123 of John Grant's Great American Rail Journeys.

Tag yourself if you wish to play along... do me the honor of a comment so I may view your selection.

Happy Boxing Day!


Via Ivy

Wednesday, August 9

What Kind of Writer?

Via Bright Selene's Aesthetic Vibrations comes this quiz. Sharing the same answer, despite the enormous difference in our ages , is a pleasure.




You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer



Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from.

And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi.

Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics...

Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!

Wednesday, July 26

Once there were three

Once there were three,

brothers all, stepping stones,

sailor suits and Easter caps,

doting grandparents,

proud papa patronizing,

harried, harridan mother.

Pictures exist.


Suddenly the matriarchal patriarch was gone,

silenced,

felled, sequoia-like,

by a weak heart,

over-work, heat stress

and weak genes.


The three brothers grew gangly,

all kneesles and elbows,

home in the country,

roaming field and forest,

mighty conquerors of fishing lures,

steel traps and arithmetic.

Questing minds sought answers

to insect riddles and clouds,

sand, sea and surf; idyllic times.


A badly broken turkey leg and endless urinals

foretell a life of ill-health and struggle for one;

broken wings and shed skins

an abiding love of all creatures,

great and small, for the little one.

Senior-most scouts the way,

but never finds the path.


A president felled in the prime of life,

while a mother returns from near-death

in New York City(!)

heralds the beginning of the end for Momma.

Mexican moves bring unexpected trouble,

seizure disorders in one,

ulcerations and tribulations for the matriarch,

falling into death so suddenly, it seemed.

But all the signs were there to the hindsight view.


Great upheavals, what's a father to do?

Raise three boys alone?

Seventy years young grandmothers lack the strength,

their own griefs to nurse and nurture.

Halt, lame, one-eyed – no, the red-hats

must focus inwards on their own dates with death,

only a few years hence.

Remarry? With grief so fresh?

Not likely.

Not wanted.

Free.

Free at last.

Or so he thought...


Puberty, unbeknownst to a distant pater,

takes one after another,

wrecking havoc with concentration,

giving grief a terrible strength and depth

hitherto undreamed of,

causing sleepless nights, torn sheets,

rending great forests of tissue

as relief is sought in onanistic release and

deep plunges into the troubled waters

of bourbon and branch.


The three went their separate ways after

the eldest graduated to college in Vermont;

middleman to seminary;

baby brother atop The Hill,

Barcelona, European travels

and Greyhound travails,

knocking up fallen angels.


Tune in, turn on, drop out” Leary said.

It's the 'dawning of the age of Aquarius' sang another,

mud was epiphany at Yasgar's farm,

Hendrix setting the world afire by guitar.

Dylan the voice for a disaffected generation of ne'er do wells,

Vietnam, a very public private hell.

Old friends dead, Martin, John and Bobby.

The times, they are a changin'.


Stuck, was the eldest, head in a bottle,

but the view was clear, so he proceeded

as though nothing was wrong,

for nothing is wrong

when you can see the strait and narrows,

is it?


College graduate, medical school, extern, intern,

Bellevue hell and Veteran's Administration horrors,

all stuck out, inch by bloody inch,

despite every considerable obstacle placed in his path,

until only his own body could torpedo his success.

Bombs away! Full steam ahead! There lies madness:

abandon all hope, ye who enter therein.


Medicine didn't kill him, bloody-mindedness did.

And a cruel streak a mile wide,

passing for caring in a careless society.

And a weak heart,

another genetic legacy

in a body already blessed with

more genetic misadventures than any two people

should have to endure.

So it didn't.


Then there were two.

Baby boy blue,come blow your horn,

sheep's in the meadow, pigs in the corn.

Lose your family through shameful neglect,

head in a bottle,

Wasn't THAT stupid?


Almost as bad, baby brother,

working all hours,

all week, all weekend,

for next to no money and major headaches

designing logos,

Three ducks fucking” and bouncy basketballs.

What do you get?

Another day older,

deeper in debt

and a stent in your chest.

That's what baby brother discovered.



After the big crash and burn,

the family elder, clean and sober,

and miserable as hell,

put nose to grindstone

and drowned his sorrows in work.

Discovered you can't go home

to old loves and older lovers.


Meanwhile, the artistic one builds his strength,

bides his time through a period of

outrageous slings and arrows of

employment misfortunes

but finally sees the light,

tells the Robber Baron to “get fucked”

and gets on with being an adult web master

(whatever the fuck THAT is).


Making more money,

than he'd ever dreamed possible,

he set new rules,

rules of moderation.

Works all well and good and I like it a lot ...”

But play time is good, too.”

Weekdays for Mammon, weekends for fun.

That was his plan and he was sticking to it.


Then “dumbass” -- the elder,

having married again, despite cautions to the contrary,

suddenly discovers that

mended broken hearts aren't something you can count on.

Who knew?

Open-heart coronary by-pass grafts times three later,

and he emerges a new, old man,

one lung along for the ride,

sleepless in “Sandman Land.”

But dodging the bullet, given reprieve,

able to breathe and take nourishment.

Just breathing can be a gift some days.

But life is inexorable.

God is an Iron.

Mother Nature gives neither

hoot nor holler

if you live or die.


One hot, muggy summer afternoon,

much like his namesake,

baby boy leaned too far,

fell over dead in his office;

And then there was one.


One is the lonliest number that you'll ever do.
Two can be as bad as one,

it's the lonliest number since the number one...”

This little piggy is going wee, wee, wee,

all the way home...

For once there were three.

Then there were two.

Now there's only one.

This is going to end badly, I fear...

~~~


Copyright ©2006 All rights reserved.

Note, this is a work in progress, subject to change and modification.

Friday, June 23

Gee, isn't that so-and-so?




Writer's Weekly Question # 20:

Have you ever created a character based on someone you know? Was it because you liked the person, or disliked the person? How was the character different or like the person you based him or her on?


I suspect many of my characters have bits and pieces of people I have known. But, due to liability issues, I have consciously decided to never base a character on an actual person. So much easier to be able to explain in a deposition that the characters spring full blown into my imagination and onto the page rather than argue which trait is or isn't something that Johnny Doe is known to exhibit on occasion.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. If I were to create a character based on an actual person, it would be in a satire, the person portrayed would probably be someone I dislike, and the effect sought would be vilification. For instance, a story about Vice President Dick Cheney hunting liberals on his game farm in Montana and accidentally shooting a conservative lawyer in the face.

Nah -- nobody would believe that one...

Wednesday, June 14

Poem For Alysia

For Alysia



A moment in time,

never to be recalled.

A sunny, dimpled smile,

extinguished in a moment of inattention.



A family, destroyed.

A mother heart-broken,

A father shamed, guilt-wracked, haunted,

A marriage annihilated,

a baby's light snuffed out.



We weep for you, dear child,

for the possibilities now gone,

your laugh now silent,

for what might have been.



For your father, strength I offer,

to endure those long, cold, lonely nights

that lie ahead;

hours of self-doubt and self-recrimination,

a slippery slope to despair, hopelessness,

drunkenness and death.



For your mother, a benediction,

a salve upon her broken heart

and strength, too, to go on,

as a mother must,

broken heart and all.



To your brother and sister,

surcease I offer,

sweet dreams,

where only nightmares

now dare to tread.



To the world,

only a memory

invoked by a head stone,

gray granite,

Alysia Brown,

Aged 3,

Rest In Peace.”



Copyright ©2006 Wil Mosher

All Rights Reserved




Carmel girl, 3, drowns in family pool - Bangornews.com Staff

Sunday, June 4

Writer's Weekly Question #18:





Writer's Weekly Question #18:
Have you ever had an experience where someone tried to trick you into believing that something big was about to happen to your writing, when in fact, they were taking you on what could be a huge ride? This can include a contest, an agent, a publisher, or anyone.

Yes, I do it to myself, every time I finish a poem or a short story. Then, because I know better these days, I file said oeuvre away for a week or ten and then reread. That's the real revelation. I can see in the clear light of day the piece isn't anywhere near as good as first imagined. Into the circular file it goes...

You can participate in the “Writer's Weekly Question by clicking on the banner above and doing your homework. It's fun, it's thought provoking and often infuriating. You might even learn something (Horrors!)

Friday, May 26

Looking for an Agent?

Good advice and a list of the most heinous offenders from the Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America, Inc.:

Warnings and Cautions for Writers--Writer Beware's 20 Worst Agencies List: "Below is a list of the 20 literary agencies about which Writer Beware has received the greatest number of advisories/complaints over the past several years."
{snip}
" Note that while the 20 agencies listed here account for the bulk of the complaints we receive, they're just the tip of the iceberg. Writer Beware has files on nearly 400 questionable agencies, and we learn about a new one every few weeks."

  • The Abacus Group Literary Agency
  • Allred and Allred Literary Agents (refers clients to "book doctor" Victor West of Pacific Literary Services)
  • Barbara Bauer Literary Agency
  • Benedict Associates (also d/b/a B.A. Literary Agency)
  • Sherwood Broome, Inc.
  • Capital Literary Agency (formerly American Literary Agents of Washington, Inc.)
  • Desert Rose Literary Agency
  • Arthur Fleming Associates
  • Finesse Literary Agency (Karen Carr)
  • Brock Gannon Literary Agency
  • Harris Literary Agency
  • The Literary Agency Group, which includes the following:
    -Children's Literary Agency
    -Christian Literary Agency
    -New York Literary Agency
    -Poets Literary Agency
    -The Screenplay Agency
    -Stylus Literary Agency (formerly ST Literary Agency, formerly Sydra-Techniques)
    -Writers Literary & Publishing Services Company (the editing arm of the above-mentioned agencies)
  • Martin-McLean Literary Associates
  • Mocknick Productions Literary Agency, Inc.
  • B.K. Nelson, Inc.
  • The Robins Agency (Cris Robins)
  • Michele Rooney Literary Agency (also d/b/a Creative Literary Agency, Simply Nonfiction, and Michele Glance Rooney Literary Agency)
  • Southeast Literary Agency
  • Mark Sullivan Associates
  • West Coast Literary Associates (also d/b/a California Literary Services)

Monday, April 17

Poem for Pamela

April 16, 2006



She was lying on the floor

where he lay her down in panic

calling frantic for help,

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”



They stood in clusters.

Paramedics dressed in blue polos,

stethoscopes around their necks,

looking down at her in pity.



Former family, another bunch,

a fine, strapping young man,

guilt-ridden, sobbing quietly,

step-mother holding him in his grief.



Her ex-husband, cold, uncomfortable

addressing the medics as brothers in toil,

thanking them for coming, for nothing,

The son did it all.



CPR, two by fifteen,

breathing, beating, her soul's sole link to life

as sirens scream from down the road,

death gurgling back at him.



Black fear had gripped his heart

as she broke under his loving weight,

ribs cracking, lungs crackling wrongness

where once was right.



She was well and truly dead,

my dear, suffering friend.

No amount of wishing or weeping

will bring her back again.



Meanwhile, I sat on the sofa,

talking with my wife,

commenting on her prolonged silence,

indications of the end so near.



Little did I know, even less could I understand,

She'd come to me, said good-bye,

as she shut down, circuit by circuit,

Despite the efforts of love to save her...




In loving memory of Pamela Hilger, April 10, 1956 ~ April 16, 2006.

With sincere condolences and respect to her son and daughter and those who loved her well.





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About Me

My photo
Well past (by at least a decade) the half century mark. One foot in the grave, the other on a banana peel at the rim of the abyss and the view from here is disconcerting. I am a former student, pearl diver, cook, truck driver, firefighter, EMT, CEO, Town Fire Warden, mechanic, oiler, marine engineer and computer whiz bang. Mostly I sleep these days in an aluminum tube. And So It Goes... I waste my time reading blogs and kvetching about the weather, playing with our Schipperke sidekick, Ignatz McGraw and waiting hand by foot upon my wife, the Queen of our Hovel, She Who Must Be Obeyed (SWMBO).